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I'm the author of three novels, “Out of Office” and “Fire Horses" (both published by Legend Press), my new comic novel "Kidology," and a collection of short stories and creative non-fiction, "Militant Factions." I've had hundreds of features and opinion pieces published in the Times, Sunday Times, Guardian, Independent, Mail, Express, Telegraph and many more.

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#MilitantFactionsQuotes 01: Women always asked for men who were "aware" - but aware of what?

Posted on September 20, 2021 at 3:20 AM


#MilitantFactionsQuotes 01:

His cursory attempts at “dating” had been disappointing; even the contact ads in the local paper appeared ...

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My Times Thunderer: "Baby boomers had it so easy? My mum might beg to differ"

Posted on September 19, 2021 at 4:10 PM


“I wish I could get Mum to understand how lucky she is to be part of that gilded generation of baby boomers who had a “free” education, a perfect ...

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Special offer: get my comedy novel "Kidology: The Precretinous Era" absolutely free

Posted on September 19, 2021 at 6:45 AM


Special offer: get my comedy novel “Kidology: The Precretinous Era” absolutely free

Lecturer Jim Cockburn (pronounced: Coburn) has a problem: unless he can scrape together...

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#KidologyQuotes 100: "Jim - you are SO naive. Don't you know publishing's fucked?"

Posted on September 19, 2021 at 6:20 AM


#KidologyQuotes 100:

“Jim – you are SO naive. Don’t you know publishing’s fucked?”

“Of course I do!”...

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#KidologyQuotes 99: Once Charlie had gone to stay with his boyfriend Doctor L returned with his colleague...

Posted on September 19, 2021 at 6:15 AM


#KidologyQuotes 99:

Once Charlie had gone to stay with his boyfriend - who Jim vaguely recalled mugging for his iPhone - Doctor L returned with his colleague, Doctor Derinyanagala Obe...

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#KidologyQuotes 98: The charnel-house of his bottom had become so all-encompassing it had taken up his entire event-horizon, a black hole of infinite despair

Posted on September 19, 2021 at 6:05 AM


#KidologyQuotes 98:

Although no-one was watching, Jim frowned. Was this it then? His brain deteriorating to the extent he could no longer process simple grammar? What sort of impact d...

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#KidologyQuotes 97: Being on holiday with kids was a lot like being on holiday without kids, except without sleep, sex, culture, adventure or sleep, again

Posted on September 18, 2021 at 5:20 AM


#KidologyQuotes 97:

Being on holiday with kids, Jim had discovered in France - as he discovered every year then forgot - was a lot like being on holiday without kids, except without s...

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#KidologyQuotes 96: When he'd reached the last page of the handbook Jim looked at his watch: seventy-five minutes left

Posted on September 17, 2021 at 3:55 AM


#KidologyQuotes 96:

When he’d reached the last page of the handbook Jim looked at his watch: seventy-five minutes left. He decided to put on his emergency back-up film, “S...

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#KidologyQuotes 95: Jim was more and more uncertain what to do on the five hundred daily occasions they passed one another in the house

Posted on September 16, 2021 at 4:00 AM


#KidologyQuotes 95:

On his way back to his hole he passed Ingrid in the hall. Jim was more and more uncertain what to do on the five hundred daily occasions they passed one another in...

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#KidologyQuotes 94: George Monbiot had given him a proper pasting

Posted on September 15, 2021 at 3:55 AM


#KidologyQuotes 94:

Who did the public despise? Journalists, estate agents, bankers, politicians. He decided to try a politician. He was a bit wary of attacking anyone with Labour con...

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#KidologyQuotes 93: Jim plucked an essay from the teetering pile on the floor beside his desk and began to read

Posted on September 14, 2021 at 2:05 AM


#KidologyQuotes 93:

Jim plucked an essay from the teetering pile on the floor beside his desk and began to read.

“I hate my lecturer....

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#KidologyQuotes 92:He'd even written to the Scientologists. They had yet to reply

Posted on September 13, 2021 at 2:50 AM


#KidologyQuotes 92:

It was freezing: Jim shivered. The still-nameless dog tensed at his side. Jim pulled hard on the lead and the dog stilled itself. Already it was obedient, a loyal ...

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#KidologyQuotes 91: "Do you remember what day it is, Jim?"

Posted on September 12, 2021 at 6:55 AM


#KidologyQuotes 91:

“Do you remember what day it is, Jim?”

Jim ran a response-tree in his brain: warning lights flashed. It was th...

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#KidologyQuotes 90: Jim surmised this would be an inopportune moment to scratch his nuts

Posted on September 11, 2021 at 4:40 AM


#KidologyQuotes 90:

The head’s eyes searched his face, dwelling in particular on his two bloodshot eyes, one of which was deep purple. Jim surmised this would be an inopportune ...

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#KidologyQuotes 89: "Do you ever find standardisation depressing, Ingrid?"

Posted on September 10, 2021 at 5:40 AM


#KidologyQuotes 89:

Jim pulled open the freezer-flap and dug around amid crystallised consumables until he found an oblong Tupperware filled with brown: curry, stew, Bolognese, imposs...

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#KidologyQuotes 88: ...their sketchy understanding of the Great War gleaned from "The Inbetweeners do Verdun"...

Posted on September 9, 2021 at 1:45 AM


#KidologyQuotes 88:

Today he was to be reacquainted with the “Group of Death”, a surly bunch with dangerous hair and metal-festooned faces, who spent the entire previous y...

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#KidologyQuotes 87: Jim checked his watch: twenty minutes till his lecture

Posted on September 8, 2021 at 3:35 AM


#KidologyQuotes 87:

Jim checked his watch: twenty minutes till his lecture. He liked to get to rooms early to arrange his notes, navigate the technology (which differed radically in e...

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#KidologyQuotes 86: He'd lost count of the number of times in the throes of passion Cato had used his bottom as a trampoline

Posted on September 7, 2021 at 2:00 AM


#KidologyQuotes 86:

The man in the pet shop had assured them the cute little kitten was a boy so Jim named him Cato, because he was like the racially stereotyped bloke off the Pink Pa...

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#KidologyQuotes 85:The embarrassing silence which followed was of geological length and so appalling Jim thought his face would fall off

Posted on September 6, 2021 at 2:35 AM


#KidologyQuotes 85:

Xian sighed theatrically and closed her eyes to emphasise the extent to which she was put out by such niceties, considering small talk decadent, but finally shrugg...

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KidologyQuotes 84: He'd been handed a card which everyone had signed, even the lecturers and admin staff who actively disliked him

Posted on September 5, 2021 at 5:50 AM


#KidologyQuotes 84:

On leaving he'd been handed a card by Laurent which everyone had signed, even the lecturers and admin staff who actively disliked him. Amid all the scrawls and hal...

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